The Final One Bites The Dust

Look at all those beautiful brown X's!!

I remember being handed this schedule the same day I found my dear friend, Eric, died.

And I remember scouring this schedule a week later, when my roommate announced that she was joining the army and leaving me with 3 full months of rent unpaid.

I remember calling my parents and planning my early move home after lecture classes ended early March.

Even though some days were filled with sad and heart wrenching memories,

most days were filled with laughs, hugs, and encouragement.

I will always look back on this semester as the most fulfilling four months of my life.

I remember staring at that calendar thinking the days were moving too slowly,

yet at the same time the days were flying by!

I am here, the day before graduation, thinking

"Am I really ready to be a nurse?"

I know the answer is a yes,

because I've been waiting for this day all my life.

But I also wonder if I'll ever be completely ready to be a nurse.

Regardless of my feelings...

Ready or not...

Tomorrow is graduation day

Survivor Day

Five years ago to the date, I had brain surgery. It was the scariest experience/trial/moment of my life. In the end, I came out stronger, and better because of it. I survived.

I am so grateful for today.

I've taken a lot of time today to think on these past five years,

and they have been, without a doubt, the most incredible years of my life.

This was me, 5 years and one day ago, the day before I went into the hospital. 

I had just finished my Junior year.
I had so many plans for my future, but I was worried if I'd ever make it there.

I remember every second of the week I spent in the hospital.

The tear-inducing moment when my surgeon shaved off my hair

The really horrendous pictures my mom insisted on taking with everyone.

The not so horrendous pictures where I actually felt like a human again.

Having the hardest time falling asleep, and then finally finding the perfect angle to rest my head, and immediately falling asleep. 

And I'll never forget the Medusa look I had going for an entire week.

I was one good looking patient.

And of course, I'll always have my scar to remind me.

And here it is in full color. If you're squeamish, don't scroll.
Or at least scroll real fast.

I feel like I was living one life pre-surgery,
and I'm living a completely different life post-surgery.

Pre-surgery I was a perfectly normal person,
but I feel I took life for granted.
I didn't realize just how good my life was.

But now I'm a different, more grateful person.
I am so grateful for the vision that I do have.
I'm grateful that I function normally, and that people don't realize my medical history.
Every day has meaning now, because I'm lucky to be alive.

Today is my Survivor Day.
I am strong.
I am special.
I am loved.
I am completely happy.

~Courtney

my last summer semester

Last Tuesday was the first day of Summer 2013 semester, and even though class is 4 hours, it was really nice to be back with the class and to finally have a purpose again. Class is going to be a good pace, and homework seems to be manageable. I'm so happy to see some of the for-sure changes and some of the in-the-works changes that are coming with the new program director.

First and foremost, NANDAs (a large, intensive, very specific paper on one patient every week) may be receding in our program. It's not a definite change, but even knocking down the number of them we have to write would be so, so wonderful! We have a new guy in our program that got his LPN at a technical college in the Provo area, and when the program director mentioned NANDAs, he asked what they were! Oh we were all so jealous that he had never written one!! Hopefully NANDAs become nonexistent. I would be very thrilled with that.

One change that I am very excited about is our clinical name badges. Our LPN year, it was a simple paper tag with our name and picture, that had been laminated and hole punched. This year, our badge will be plastic, similar to our student IDs around campus. It will help us look more polished and professional while at the hospital, and they won't bend near as easily.

We were going to change our scrubs from these awful barber looking tops into something more... realistic, but due to a signed contract with the maker of the below atrocities, we are stuck with them for one more year.

Seriously, buttons? Who puts buttons on a scrub top? Come on.

The most important change is that my name badge will read Courtney Brown, LPN, and that kinda makes me want to happy dance around the house. I'm a nurse!!!

I like good changes.
~Courtney

[it's real now]

Today, while sitting in class, my life really hit me. I was sitting in NURS 1020, taking notes and mentally sorting through what I needed to do once I got home (TB test, read 2 chapters, write a small essay, fill out a diagram, start reviewing material, read an online article) and it finally became real.

I'm in nursing school.

I know this is going to be quite the challenge over the next 2 years, but today, right now, I'm so grateful to be where I am, and to have this experience and opportunity.

Here we go! RN or bust!

~Courtney

It's about to start

When I was little, I put band-aids on my dolls, and begged my parents for wheelchairs for my Barbies and American Girl dolls. I carried around a black plastic doctor bag with the funniest looking stethoscope you've ever seen.
All my life, I've wanted to be a nurse.

Tomorrow, that dream becomes a reality.

As of tomorrow at 9 AM, I will be a nursing student.


Is it odd that I'm scared?  Maybe everyone feels like this when they take their first step towards the rest of their life?

Here I come, USU- CEU nursing program. See you bright and early tomorrow.

~Courtney