The Beginning Of The End

During the lifetime of this blog, 

I have considered writing my last post

at least a dozen times.

But this website became my internet journal, 

and I couldn't find the desire to officially shut it down.

Now, the time has come.

I've decided that it's time to close the book on this little piece of the world wide web.

I have my reasons for this decision.

I know it's the right thing to do at this point in life.

I'm happy that so many people have visited this blog,

even though I'm just another blogger

with no claim to fame. 

I know I will come back here to reminisce on old posts,

because this blog is full of so many precious memories!

I love thinking about where I've been in life,

and it just gets me so excited for the future!

There's so much for me to go do!

There's a great big, beautiful tomorrow!

Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for loving me.

All my love,

Courtney

Ketchup

I realize I haven't posted about this semester at all. I guess Eric's death the first day of classes really threw me off the blogging groove. I know he checked this blog out a lot, just to keep in contact with me, so it's been hard to get back into writing when I know he's not there to read it.

So I suppose I'll play catch-up now. Heavens, so much has happened in the past 4 months. In August, I got a surprising text from my roommate saying she had decided to move back to California and drop out of the nursing program here. So all of the sudden, I had the entire apartment to myself. I lived alone until the middle of October, when an LPN student moved into Stephanie's old room. It was crazy chaos as Stephanie's stuff was moved out of the apartment, and Chelcea's stuff was moved in, all on the same day. But now things are almost entirely settled, and it's working out well.

School has been really, really good this semester.

Like, I'm completely serious.

At the end of the school year, the nursing director, Donna, retired. One of the instructors, Nikkie became the new director, and she has completely revamped the entire program. It has been a wonderful, much needed change.

The semester ends the second week of December, which means I have about 3 weeks to go. I am currently in the middle of my Medical/Surgical clinical rotations, so I get up super early (if you consider 5 AM early) and I drive to the hospital near the highway to start my day at 5:30. I love being in the hospital, caring for my patients. I feel accomplished and it's a wonderful way to prepare for being a graduated nurse. Living in Price isn't the most fun thing i've ever done, but I have come to realize how lucky I am to have a fully functional (though small) hospital just 10 minutes from my house.

Half way through last month, I discovered that the scholarships I received are given out both semesters. I had assumed that the refund check I got in August was the money intended for Spring 2014. I stowed it away in my bank account, ready to pull it back out to pay for my last semester of school. A friend told me that the check I received was the leftover money for this semester, and if I kept my grades where they needed to be, I would get the same scholarship money for next semester's tuition. So if I maintain a 3.7 GPA (currently it's a 4.0, so fingers crossed!) I will get roughly $2,000 next semester in leftover money.

With this in mind, I decided to quit my awful telecommunication job at Sorenson's. I had weird hours and I hated the work, so I looked at my expenses and figured I could make due for 6 more months off the scholarship refunds. I'm not out buying stuff as freely as I used to, which is fine and good. I'm living within my means, and I'm benefitting from the free time I have now. I still work at the doctor's office Tuesday and Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings, so that is my wiggle money.

While life has tried to pull me down with a breakup, roommate troubles and the death of a best friend, I have found that relying on my Heavenly Father and enduring to the end has benefitted my life in ways I couldn't have imagined. I am so grateful and lucky to lead the life that I have!

Keep your chin up, friends, life gets better.
~Courtney

All You Need Is Less

I grew up in a house full of things. I never wanted for anything. I had cases of Barbie dolls, and plenty of clothes for my American Girl Doll. I had, and still have, a very comfortable life. At some point in my childhood, I started recognizing that perhaps the things I had... were a bit too many.

I remember one night, my mom boxed away about half of my Barbies, saying that I could play with one box for a few weeks, then play with the other box after that. I'm sure it was an effort to contain the mess of Barbies, and extend my interest and appreciation for each doll. I drew out my 4 favorite dolls and made sure they were put in the box that wasn't going into temporary storage, and that was the last I remember of the other box. It went into storage in the basement, and I don't recall it ever resurfacing.

This happened a lot for me. Small toys that I didn't cherish as much got put in new storage places, and started collecting dust from there. I was happy with my small box of Barbies, and my other favorite things close by.

My first real 'Spring Cleaning' was after high school graduation. I was completely emptying my room in preparation to move to Logan for school. The important things came with me to my tiny 8 X 15 foot room. The things that meant a lot to me, but wouldn't fit at school got boxed in large Rubbermaid containers and now occupy a corner of my parent's basement. The other things that didn't make the cut went to the secondhand store, or the garbage bin. The garbage bin was difficult for my mom. She saw me tossing old school assignments and tiny odds and ends and she would cry out "Not this! Don't throw this away!" and I would shrug and continue throwing things away. I'm pretty certain there's a black hole of things in the basement that my mom has secretly pulled back out of the recycle bin. I hope not, but I'm realistic.

I lived out of two large suitcases for 6 months in 2012 during the Disney College Program. I loved it. Everything I had brought with me served a purpose, and though there's lots of pictures with me wearing the same 8 shirts, I enjoyed the simplicity of life. I laughed at all the things my roommates who had driven to Florida brought with them. Stuffed animals, 30 different shirts, 10 pairs of shoes, and large cases of makeup. While there were days I was jealous of their DVD collections and cuddly blankets, I would remind myself that my bags had to be under 50 LBS to get home, and the longing would quickly go away.

I got home and readjusted to having an excess of things. It's what I do I suppose; I accumulate things out of habit, and eventually the desire to simplify and unload will come and make me eager to minimize my belongings.

I don't know what exactly has triggered my 'Spring Cleaning' this time around. It may be because I've been packing up my old roommate's things to make way for the new roommate. I alway thought Steph didn't have a lot of things compared to me, and I have been quite surprised to watch the boxes of her things pile up, and I've only really tackled the kitchen. This makes me worry how much stuff I've got crammed into this place. The largest culprit is very likely the fact that my apartment contract has been updated to expire April 30, 2014. In 6 months, I will have to pack up every single one of my belongings and drive them home to my parent's house. And then, who knows where I will put them after that.

I'm finding myself feeling unusual amounts of joy when my empty shampoo bottle makes a hollow banging noise as it hit my trash can, or when I throw away the empty box of Kleenex, or when I deem my eyeliner pencil too small to use, and it, too, drops into the trash can. I'm slowly working my way through all the stuff surrounding me, and let me tell you, minimizing my things is like my own version of therapy. Nothing is more healing than knowing the money you spend is actually being used.

Hopefully when May rolls around, the things I have in boxes will be important things that serve a purpose or make me smile at fond memories. This is my end goal. A place, and a purpose for everything.

~Courtney

Anatomy of A Heartbeat

When I was a kid, I had a play set with a whole bunch of medical instruments.

My favorite was, of course, the stethoscope. 

I would hold it up to my own heart, and to everyone (and everything) that would let me.

Surprisingly, the stethoscope actually worked.

Not crystal clear, or anything remotely near the actual sound of a heartbeat,

but I loved that dull, muffled thump sound. 

I eventually lost track of that kit,

grew up and stopped playing with toys.

You know, went to school,

forgot about the plastic stethoscope. 

I eventually upgraded to a legitimate one,

about 12 years later.

You can't even imagine the excitement that exploded inside my heart

the first time I put it to my own heart.

It's magic.

Have you ever heard your own heart?

It's life changing. 

You're listening to the thing that's keeping you alive!

It's gratifying.

It makes you realize life is contingent on the strength of a muscle

that's only the size of your fist. 

There are days when I forget the magic of the heartbeat.

But then I remember that it's been a while,

and I pull out my stethoscope and listen for a while.

Just me and my heart.

I've been studying a lot recently for the NCLEX

(national certification licensure examination)

And I've been stressing out,

worrying that I'm going to fail.

I'm still stressed that I'm going to fail.

But I grab my stethoscope

and spend a few minutes reassuring myself...

Pass or fail...

My heart is strong enough to continue beating. 

So that's my idea of the anatomy of a heartbeat.

It's strength.

I'm in nursing school to touch people's lives. 

I'm in nursing school to listen to other's heartbeats

I'm going to be a nurse,

just like my heart's gonna keep beating.

Beat on, my friends.

~Courtney

Make The Most Of It

I bought this fabulous pair of silver glitter shoes for Bri's wedding.   They ended up being a bit too  big unfortunately, and I was thinking about gifting them to my larger footed sister, or trying to return them after the wedding.  By the end of the night I was thinking I'd never wear them again because my feet were absolutely killing me.

And I have this favorite pair of jeans that have these terribly embarrassing holes in a very awkward location. So awkward that I started considering retiring them for forever. Which killed me, because I really do love those jeans. But matching holes meant very limited movements.

So you know what I did? I made the most of both situations. I took a trip to the great and powerful Walmart and bought  heel  liners and jean patches to fix both problems. Now I can sit 'Indian style' and walk around comfortably in glitter heels that actually fit.

This brings me to my point. I'm learning to make the best of every situation. I'm single, and that's okay because I can do some more living before finding 'the one'. I'm in a tiny town, and that's okay because i'm in that tiny town because i'm in nursing school! I could go on, but I'm thinking shorter is sweeter in this situation. Life is good, dear friends. Life is good.

~Courtney

Disney-versary

A year ago today, I checked in to the Disney College Program.
It's been a full year.

I miss the DCP dearly. I miss my job, my roommates, my friends, the magic, the parks, the food, the memories, even the bus rides.

The DCP changed my life forever. My Disney friends have changed me forever.

I'm half sad, and half grateful for today. I would give anything to go back, right now. Drive to the airport and get on a plane, tonight. But at the same time, I look at my life right now, and I'm accomplishing a dream I've had all my life. I'm going to become a nurse!

In honor of today, I'm going to indulge myself, and put my ridiculous childish new dream on here, and in 2 years from now, we'll see if it happens.

June 2013- Go to FL and work to keep my seasonal status
May 2014- Graduate nursing school
June 2014- Go to FL and work to keep my seasonal status
Late 2014- Get a job in a FL hospital and pick up character shifts PRN.

I know it's lofty. I know it's the biggest Peter Pan dream (run away to Neverland, and never grow up). But my inspiration, Walt Disney had the loftiest goal of all, and he accomplished it. So why can't I have a huge, incredible, Monstro the Whale sized dream?

Maybe it won't ever come true.
But I am so grateful to have the ability to have this dream. This goal. This piece of magic that could easily become a part of my life.

Happy one year anniversary, Disney. Thank you for welcoming me into your family, and for letting me stick around. I promise to do you proud.

~Courtney

The Most Amazing Year

When I stop and really think about all the things I did this year... it's almost hard to believe it really happened.

Before 2011 ended, I carefully wrote my goal for 2012 on January 1st.

I had no idea how many dreams would come true this year. 

This year has been truly incredible.

I am so blessed.

January 8th, I flew alone, for the first time in my life, to Orlando Florida.

I wrote this post during my layover in New Mexico.

The next day I checked in to the Disney College Program with my bestest friend, Leslie.

It was a long day, stressful, and exciting.

Leslie and I were put in separate apartments, which turned out to be blessings in disguise.

She became very good friends with her roommates, 

and I got to meet girls from all over the world.

Character Performer training was honestly an amazing experience. 

I can't share any details, sorry. I'm trusted to keep the magic alive.

Before I knew it, I was out working. 

Bringing smiles to people's faces. Giving hugs and autographs.

I had the best job in all of Walt Disney World.

I had amazing roommates.

And fantastic fellow character performer friends

I played in Disney Parks every day for 5 months.

Made epic memories with my fellow characters

And made amazing memories while working, like this one, this one, and this one.

I got drenched by a huge fountain in EPCOT,

And spent a fantastic week with my parents and Nate. 

It was so good to see them after 5 months of Skype.

I could go on, and on, and on about all the amazing things Florida gave me.

I will remember the Disney College Program for the rest of my life.

Working at Disney World, hanging out with Mickey Mouse, that was one dream come true.

And how fitting that my life long dream of being a nurse came true at Disney World too.

I remember the day I found out I made it into nursing school like it was just yesterday.

So many of my dreams came true this year.

It almost doesn't feel real.

But it is.

I'm loving being Courtney, Student Nurse.

(Even though I look like a barber, not a nurse in that horrendous 'scrub' top)

And I fulfilled a ridiculous dream of owning a 'sports car'

(aka, 2 door car) (named Tink)

Obviously I'm not covering everything that happened in this year.

Tiny dreams came true this year too.

Like living alone (in Price for the summer)

and going back to Logan for the day.

and welcoming home a missionary and sending one off.

Turning 21.

Living in a different state.

Becoming a seasonal employee with Walt Disney World.

Getting an international Pen Pall (Hi Naomi!!)

and adding to my U.S. Pen Pall list.

Getting the high score on a nursing school exam.

and being with my family.

2012 was the year that dreams came true.

~Courtney 

Apartment Tour Anyone?!

Yay!! Apartment tour!!

A dark picture of our dining table

Love my dishwasher. Makes for a lazy nursing student

Overall a really great sized kitchen for the price

I had a picnic on this deck a few months ago. ...memories

Stephanie's uber comfy couch

My great grandma's rocker and lamp.

Our living room would look so bare without all of Steph's furniture

Our crazy linen closet. Name something
random and chances are it'll be in there.

Our bathroom looks like it's fit for a 4 year old.
Whatever, I think it's cute.

Huh. The sink actually looks clean. Amazing.

How cute is my room?

My study area

my prep area in the left corner

My personality corner

I love the size of my closet. Love it.

I made these drapes out of a shower curtain!

I spend most of my time in this corner of my house.

Well people, that's it! Of course, Stephanie has her room, and it's located in between the linen closet and the bathroom. It's a really great place, I kinda wish I could pick it up and move it to wherever I move after nursing school. Love how cozy the place is, though I would love to paint the walls and nix the dark wood everywhere. Eh, renter's can't be choosers.

Thanks for going on a tour with me, though really it was for me so I can reminisce in a few years once I've left Price in my dust.

~Courtney

Excitement In Lab

Yesterday, in lab I got to play with the coolest mannequin ever. Her name is Nicole and she does almost everything a human could do. She blinks, she breaths (her chest rises and falls!) she has a pulse. Geeze, she even gives birth! 

I just stood there, feeling her pulse, listening to her heartbeat, totally entranced by how amazing technology is. I am so grateful to be in nursing school. I'm so happy to be one step closer to my life long goal.

I'm so excited to start hospital clinicals. Being in the nursing home has been nice, but oh man, once I step foot inside the hospital, with my scrubs on and Student Nurse name tag, I think I'll be the happiest girl on the face of the earth.

~ Courtney

The Difference 3 Years Makes

This ever adorable picture of me was taken during my first week of college at Utah State University.

I was still figuring out who I wanted to be (hence the peace signs).

I was new to living on my own, without parents, and adjusting to a roommate.

I had just struck up new friendship and rekindled old ones.

I was living entirely off my parents.

I was job free, and worry free.

I knew where I wanted to go, but not so sure how I was gonna get there.

Life was so incredibly good.

Flash forward three years.

This equally adorable picture of me was taken during my first week of nursing school

(excluding summer semester, roll with it)

I am incredibly happy with who I've decided to be.

I am a seasoned pro when it comes to living on my own, and having my own

bedroom is so totally worth the price.

I have successfully kept friendships with good people, and learned to weed out the people who aren't.

I live entirely off my own dollar.

I work part time, and have a lot more worries to manage.

It took me long enough, but I got where I wanted to go, and now I'm working to stay there.

Life is so incredibly good.

Would I have guessed that it would take me 4 nursing school rejections before getting in?
Never.

That I'd leave the school I loved and go to community college to finish prerequisites?
Yeah right.

That I'd work full time as a medical assistant for a full year?
Uh-huh. Sure.

That I would move to Orlando Florida and spend 5 months at Walt Disney World?
No way!

That I'd write a missionary for a full 2 years, but then be told to change directions?
Nope.

That I'd move to Price, Utah for nursing school?
Where's that?

Life is so unpredictable, and I have learned to find joy in the journey.

I'm grateful for this blog, that has allowed me to journal for the first time in years.

I'm grateful for my family, who I love so very much.

I"m grateful for the friends who have made me who I am today.

I'm grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I"m grateful for my life.

Life is so incredibly good.

~Courtney