Frustrated

I'm so frustrated with how subjective nursing school is. My grades rest on the whims of my instructors. 2+2 can easily equal 5 in nursing school depending on how you round. So now my weekend is less shiny and bright because I got less than what I think I deserve grades on a ton of assignments.

I did what the syllabus told me to do! WTF woman?!

Angrily yours,

~Courtney

Dear Dana,

I am so lucky to have you for a sister. Seriously, I am. I didn't feel that way 19 years ago when mom plopped you in my arms. And I especially didn't feel that way when I dragged you under the kitchen table, tucked the chairs in, and told mom I had "put you in a cage". Or that day I threw a Barbie bike at your face. (Though in my defense, you had just pulled the head off my favorite Barbie doll)

But now that I'm 'grown up', I realize how lucky I am to have you as my favorite (okay, only) sister.

You are the one person on this world that I feel completely comfortable discussing every part of my life with. Boys, school, Disney depression, money, boys, love, life, learning, boys. You are so non-judgmental and accepting, there are days when I am so incredibly proud of how mature you are.

You were so hard working in high school, waking up for early morning seminary, and staying at hair school all night long. Watching you work so hard for your dreams encouraged me to keep working for mine. You inspire your older sister, Dana, don't know if you realize that.

My hair. Oh, my hair! Dana, you have magic in those fingers of yours. Ever since you started hair school, my hair has been healthy, soft and oh so pretty. Not to mention it's been all different shades of brown, blonde, and fire hydrant red (scariest few seconds of my life).

The best part about you doing my hair... okay, there are multiple best parts about you doing my hair. But the one I value the most is the time I get to talk with you. We trade stories, laugh, and bond while you work your magic.

Thanks for doing my hair for free. Thanks for not demanding I pay you. I promise to start actually compensating you for your work.

Thanks for playing with my hair so often. I know you hate it. I know you complain that I'm lazy and won't style my own hair. In all reality, I'm just addicted to those magic fingers of yours. They make my hair look so pretty!

Obviously I don't only love you for those magic fingers. I love you, and am so grateful to have you for my sister for a lot of reasons. Example: you let me go with you to the Forgotten Carols last month. You had plans with a friend, then let me go instead. That meant so much to me! And then, you Instagram the cutest pic of us. It's nice to know you're not embarrassed to be around me anymore.

Dana, have I told you how much I love our new sushi tradition? I look forward to it every time I come home. You and me and a few yummy rolls of sushi, it's perfect. I love having that bonding time with my sister, and I'm so happy you love it too.

I'm so proud of you, Dana, and I love being your sister. I love chatting with you, hanging with you, and sharing sisterly secrets. It's hard for me to spend a lot of time away from our family, and it makes me feel so good to hear you say you like having me home. And those messages on Facebook when I was in Florida telling me you missed me, it was like you hugged me from the other side of the United States.

I'm glad we can Skype each other for hours, and hang out without getting sick of each other.

Every time you post on my Facebook, or Instagram a pic of the two of us it's a reminder that I'm doing okay as a big sis. I hope you know how much I love you and appreciate the stuff you do for me. You are kind, smart and funny; I'm so excited to see where life takes you. I know you've got big things in store!

Happy 19th birthday, girl! I love you, and am so grateful to be your sister!

Much love
~Courtney

Public Health

In an effort to make this blog a titch more... medical, I'm going to post about my weekly experience in my clinical rotations. This past week was the public health side of nursing; I got to play with little preschoolers on Wednesday and with mentally handicapped elementary schoolers and middle schoolers on Thursday.

Wednesday was so much fun. I played with the kids, and watched how the program Head Start works. I was very impressed with the structure of the class, and how the teachers have taught the kids excellent manners and hand washing skills. I got to play with dolls, blocks and puzzles with the kids during free play, and I got at least 5 of the most precious leg hugs of my life. Seriously, how cute is the leg hug?! I don't get them very often, so naturally my heart melted every time it happened.
While I had a really great, fun time with the kids... I couldn't really see the purpose of me being there. These kids were healthy and active, with no apparent disabilities. So while it was fun, it kind of seemed, well, pointless. Though I did get to see how normal, happy, healthy young kids act when they aren't sick, so hopefully that will help me be able to recognize when something isn't quite right with my future patients.

Thursday was a completely different experience: these kids were mentally and physically disabled. I spent my day with a class of various mental disabilities, and various ages. The youngest kid was 8, and the oldest was 18. None of them had Down Syndrome, and some had such slight disabilities it took me a while to figure out exactly why they were at the school. Eventually I noticed that most the kids had interpersonal issues, which eventually lead me to Autism and Asperger's syndrome. I talked about lime Cheetoes (did you know they exist?) and answered a lot of personal questions with the kids. We played board games and did math problems together (I know, Courtney? Doing math? Willingly?).
This clinical was more medically associated, though I did not get any medical hands on experience. It was good to see the normal functioning level of these kids though, and I'm sure it will help me know how to help care for special needs patients in the future.

So there you have it. Clinical week one, semester two!
~Courtney

Disney-versary

A year ago today, I checked in to the Disney College Program.
It's been a full year.

I miss the DCP dearly. I miss my job, my roommates, my friends, the magic, the parks, the food, the memories, even the bus rides.

The DCP changed my life forever. My Disney friends have changed me forever.

I'm half sad, and half grateful for today. I would give anything to go back, right now. Drive to the airport and get on a plane, tonight. But at the same time, I look at my life right now, and I'm accomplishing a dream I've had all my life. I'm going to become a nurse!

In honor of today, I'm going to indulge myself, and put my ridiculous childish new dream on here, and in 2 years from now, we'll see if it happens.

June 2013- Go to FL and work to keep my seasonal status
May 2014- Graduate nursing school
June 2014- Go to FL and work to keep my seasonal status
Late 2014- Get a job in a FL hospital and pick up character shifts PRN.

I know it's lofty. I know it's the biggest Peter Pan dream (run away to Neverland, and never grow up). But my inspiration, Walt Disney had the loftiest goal of all, and he accomplished it. So why can't I have a huge, incredible, Monstro the Whale sized dream?

Maybe it won't ever come true.
But I am so grateful to have the ability to have this dream. This goal. This piece of magic that could easily become a part of my life.

Happy one year anniversary, Disney. Thank you for welcoming me into your family, and for letting me stick around. I promise to do you proud.

~Courtney

How I Want 2013 To Be

2012 was the year of adventures and magic.
2013 will be the year of personal growth.

I've never been one to stick to my New Year Resolutions  In 2011 I successfully completed only 1 of many resolutions  though it was a hefty goal of 50 temple trips in 1 year. And my resolutions in 2012 were to have a magical time in Florida, and get into nursing school - both achieved!

This year, I'm focusing on making myself better, and I'm quite excited about it.

Resolution One: Get Moving! I spent all of last semester on my butt. I kid not. Sat for 4 hours in class, sat for 5 hours at work, then sat at my computer for the rest of the evening. Not anymore! It helps that Brianna and I are now in a contest to see who works out most each month (prizes have yet to be determined). So the plan is to fit in gym time as frequently as possible, and once it gets warm outside, I'm gonna try my hand at running. Haha, okay, jogging.

Resolution Two: Get OFF The Computer! I spend too much time on Facebook, Hulu, Pinterest and Etsy. It needs to stop. I hope to replace computer time with exercise and textbook reading, along with letter writing and paper journaling. But don't judge me if you see me logged into Facebook, I'm not going cold turkey here! Just slimming back.

Resolution Three: Be More Grateful! Between re-reading a very interesting book titled Rules of Survival, and seeing Les Miserables with my mom and Leslie yesterday, I've really realized how incredibly lucky I am to lead the life I live. I'm lucky to have the people in my life and the security of peaceful life in America. It's about time I tell the people I love what they mean to me, so look for letters to these people popping up on this blog throughout the year.

Resolution Four: Focus On School! My specific goal is all my grades be either A's or A-'s. And I'm gonna make that happen by reading textbooks, studying smarter and improving my notes taking skills.

Resolution Five: Manage My Money Better! There are days i'm sitting at my computer and I think "I should check my balances online, maybe I have some bills due" but then I'll shrug it off and keep on with whatever I was doing. I have a problem with ignorance is bliss sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am very, very well off for a 21 year old living entirely on her own dollar. But I hate to watch that end balance go down every day, and I don't keep a register of my purchases. So I've found my password to Mint.com, and I've dredged up my check register. I'm going to set up a daily allowance and start keeping better track of my inflow and outflow.

Resolution Six: Smile More! I still remember the day on the bus in elementary school when I consciously pulled down the corners of my mouth into my first... scowl? Frown? Whatever it was, it wasn't a smile. I guess I thought boys would find the brooding girl more appealing than the overly bubbly crazy-laugh girl I was. If I could go back in time, I'd change that. So now it's time to put a smile on my face! I tend to look serious and unhappy most of the time, especially when walking in large crowds, so I'm working on smiling, or at least turning the corners of my mouth up... not down during the day.

Life is what you make it, and i'm going to make life amazing.
Is it weird to everyone that it's 2013? Or am I the only one stuck on that number?
~Courtney

The Spiritual Lesson of 2012

Growing up in the LDS faith, I've been taught that 'being active' means weekly church attendance. One became 'inactive' when they stopped showing up each week, or started coming very infrequently.

According to those standards, I became inactive from January to May of this year. In the 5 months I lived in Florida, I went to church 3 times.
The exact opposite of inactive occurred. I have never been stronger in the church than those 5 months.

I lived with 7 other girls, all members of different religions, and at first, these girls were weary of me. They had a few misconceptions, and some were worried I would try to convert them.
Luckily these girls were open to me and my oddities, and never cast me out because of my religion. They let me bring the missionaries into our home, and some even participated in lessons.
I got to share my beliefs with character friends, and character coworkers. When people found out I was from Utah, the next question seemed to always be "are you Mormon?" To which I always confidently answered "I am" with a smile.
I got to teach people about my religion. I got to clarify rumors, and let them hear church music. I told people about church structure, and about modesty. I explained temple marriage and baptisms for the dead. I told people about mormon.org almost every day. It was almost a mini mission. I got to serve my Heavenly Father through word of mouth.

For the first time in my life I handed out a Book of Mormon (most stressful moment of my life) a few weeks before going home. I don't know if it's been read, or if I made it home from Florida, but handing it over, and not being laughed at was a wonderful feeling.

I lived my life as an example of the church, and it was a fantastic feeling. Going to church those 3 times was a wonderful experience, and the long bus ride home was filled with happy feelings and church music playing in my head. Those 3 meetings proved to me that I love my religion, and there is no doubt in my mind that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true.

I felt the spirit every single day. I strengthened my testimony and learned how to share my religion with others. I learned how to open up to others regarding something I hold so dear. I got to see how the choices I had made all my life were for the best, and living without my mom a few hours away proved to me that I do what I do because I want to do so, not because my parents tell me to.

2012 taught me that being an active member doesn't mean weekly church attendance. It means holding to one's beliefs, strengthening a testimony, and being a representative of the LDS church every day of my life.

I am a Child of God. Every person on Earth is a Child of God. I am so grateful to know who I am, where I'm headed and what my purpose is.

Check out the blue I Believe button for more info on the LDS church ------->

~Courtney

{why do i worry}

With Bri's engagement, and my Pinterest blowing up with wedding ideas from my trillion okay, handful of engaged friends, I've had my future husband on my mind an awful lot. 

I'm 21 for Pete's sake. This shouldn't be freaking me out so much, but I won't lie about how much it worries me. I know he's out there; I know I'm not meant to live alone the rest of my life. 

After work today I was unpacking my stuff and finding places to put my new Christmas gifts, when I opened up the binder from the 2 years I wrote Elder Green. Tucked in the back was, well, a very sweet love letter  chronicling our 2 years together. 

As I read that letter with a smile on my face I realized there's no reason to be worried right now. I have been promised an amazing husband, an amazing love story. Reading that letter, and reflecting on what a good relationship Chris and I had reassured me that Heavenly Father really does have the perfect guy waiting in the wings for me.

Don't know when I'll meet him.

Or where.

But I'm going to meet him. 

So sorry, dear readers, about this ridiculous post about some future husband.

But it's nice to get these thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Er- internet.

Hopefully this blog can start focusing on medical things. Hahaha.

~Courtney