A Busted Budget

Years and years ago, I did  Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University classes, and I was introduced to him and his financial lifestyle. A lot of his stuff made so much sense to me. You don't need a brand-new car, buy one a few years older! You need to be saving for retirement! Pay down your debts smallest to largest! He has so many excellent points that make up a solid financial base for a successful life.

One of his items never really worked for me, though; his zero based budget. He has the mentality that every penny needs a job, otherwise too much of your income will be spent frivolously. He has a budget form available here that was nice, but it never worked for me. I am paid hourly, so it was impossible to predict how much I would make. I would fill out the form, find myself frustrated that I had to give every dollar a job before I even knew how much I would make each month, and I'd give up on it.

This last week on Pinterest, however, I found a blogger who made a budget template that just... spoke to me. Of course, she wanted $40 for her 'budget package' and I, being the stubborn Scrooge I am said no way, and I made my husband recreate the template on Excel for free-ninety-free. She really does have a 'budget package' that included templates for savings plans, the cash-envelope system and a spending tracker. You can find her post here.

I just jumped right in to her budgeting mentality. I got myself a monthly calendar for fifty cents and planned out all my bills. I looked at our spending since my last paycheck on the 7th and wrote them all out. I set up my bi-monthly budget sheet in preparation for my upcoming paycheck this Thursday. Then I crunched the numbers and... yikes. We spent $762 more than I earned in that paycheck.

Crap.

As you may know, we aren't living paycheck to paycheck. We are doing this 'Year of Less' to avoid taking out a student loan. The overall goal is to budget so we can pay tuition monthly, and avoid touching the nest egg we have in our savings account. We are lucky to be able to make the tuition payment on our credit card, so while we make the 'promise to pay' on the last day of the month, the money will actually leave our account once the second paycheck of the next month posts. This means one paycheck a month covers the tuition payment and the other check has to cover our rent and all other expenses, and last us the entire month.

So we know where we are now, we can't spend any money until payday in four days, and we've been sorta slapped in the face with the reality of our spending situation.

I'm glad i've found this budget that makes sense to me, and I'll have to see how everything goes once I've filled out the form on Thursday.

Wish us luck.

An Addition to Our Year of Less

I got my first iPhone back in 2013, half way through nursing school. I remember getting it, setting things up, and finding myself wishing I had my 'dumb phone' back. I didn't feel like I needed it; I was doing just fine with my iPod Touch and flip phone!

Cut to now: 2019, where my phone is the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing I devote time to at night. 2013 me would be shaking her head in shame at the screen-addicted 2019 me. I am so disappointed with myself! The fear of missing out hits me so hard that it's almost a crutch now. I pull my phone out when I'm on my break at work, when I'm waiting in line, and especially when in the car. I'm constantly checking on my Facebook page, seeing what everyone else is up to, and I hop on Instagram to see the newest beautiful photo and witty caption.

But why? I very rarely gain anything that improves my own life, yet I spend, according to my weekly screen time report, upwards of 3, nearly 4 hours on my phone each day! The algorithm Facebook uses now puts just a handful of my friends on my news feed, and I'm genuinely getting sick of some of the stuff those selected people are posting! I can't tell you how often I open my app and find something that irritates me. Either it's something the app itself has done to be obnoxious, like receiving too many repetitive notifications, or having to wade through ads that want me to 'buy, buy, buy!' when we are trying so hard to save every single available penny.

I'm on my phone all the time, yet I don't like the content it presents me. I'm addicted to my screen, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of telling the people I'm with that my phone is more important than they are. I'm especially tired of picking my phone over my husband. Earlier this week, I had just finished a long, tiring day at work, and was waiting for Jake to pick me up. He got a quick kiss as he opened the passenger door for me, but I quickly returned to my phone. Then we get home, and I parked myself on the couch. Jake prepared dinner while I simultaneously watched Netflix and looked at my phone. We ate dinner on the  couch, while our TV show continued to play. After dinner we stayed on the couch with another episode playing in the background while we scrolled on our phones. This continued once we were in bed, and the screens only went black a few seconds before the lights went out.

I'm sorry if that dragged on a little, but I needed to prove my point. My husband is the best, kindest, most attentive man I've ever known, and yet I looked him in the face maybe 20 minutes that evening. That is pathetic. I am married to a man I love so much and I barely looked at him all night. 

Netflix is NOT more important than my marriage.
My cell phone is NOT more interesting than my husband.
My electronics are NOT a priority over the people in my life.

I have had enough!

This brings me to the addition to the Miller Year of Less. Along with less spending and more saving, there will also be less screen time this year. My phone does not need to be in my back pocket at all times, nor does it need to be sitting at my side on the couch. My phone has been demoted from 'Most Important Thing' to 'Tool that I Have Control Of".

This means you may have to call me twice if you want to talk to me, and you may need to give me a while before I return your text message. Know that I still love you, and want to keep in contact with you, I'm just making an effort to rely on my phone less.

{I Love To See The Temple}

We moved from a city with TWO Latter-Day Saint Temples to a city with the nearest temple being two hours away.

Oh, and that temple is currently closed for renovations!

So that leaves us with the Fresno temple, which isn't even open all day (it literally closes for lunch. All the temple workers go home!) and the Sacramento temple which is 3.5 hours away.

A few months ago we made the drive to Sacramento, did a session, then had to head home so we would be in bed early enough for us to go to work the next morning! A 3.5 hour drive for one session!

So today, we wanted it to be a much different experience.

Yesterday, after work, Jake and I drove out to a hotel a few miles from the temple and stayed the night. We got up early this morning, got all ready, checked out of our room and got on our way.

We spent 5 hours inside the temple. It was a wonderful way to spend our day. We accomplished so much and got so many family names done.

We finished up our day with dinner at a Cafe Rio in town, stopped at Deseret Book, then headed home.


Real talk for a minute, guys: I really miss Utah. I miss being near family. I miss my job in Provo. I miss the restaurants we frequented and the friends we spent time with. I miss having a bunch of temples scattered around me for the picking. I miss being able to do temple service weekly. I miss being able to drive 10 minutes, do temple work, then head home with no financial cost to me.

I'm sure I'll adjust to being a California resident, eventually. But not today. Today I wish I had the beautiful new Provo City Center temple just a mile away from my front door.

Groceries Blew Our Budget

Guys.

Groceries were our biggest expense this week,

and I did not expect that. 

I guess I thought that meal planning would be an easy way to spend very little money,

but it turned out quite the opposite.

Maybe it's because we planned meals that required more expensive items?

It's probably because the grocery stores near us are notably more expensive than the stores we  always shopped at in Utah.  

Our pantry is stocked and our fridge is full of goodies,

now we just need some more budget-friendly meal ideas!

Any suggestions?

A Week In, And Feelin' Good

Guys,

It's been a week of Less, and while we have not been perfect, I do find myself feeling great about how this week went!

We spent more money than I expected to on eating out, but it was unavoidable. We went down to San Diego for the weekend as a late holiday get-together with my in-laws, and we had to get fast-food for dinner on the way down, and lunch and dinner on the way home. We also had to take advantage of the Chick-Fil-A and Rubio's in town, because Monterey is depressingly lacking of most of the places we enjoy eating out at.

Aside from fast-food and gas for our weekend away, we successfully avoided any unnecessary purchases!  Jake is doing our grocery shopping tomorrow, and he's going in with a list and that's what he's sticking to! We sat down to meal plan today for the next week, and we realized we've run out of a lot of the food we typically have at home. Our grocery list is quite large, but it's got plenty of items that will last us a while, like frozen chicken breasts, rice and spices.

This week I decided to close my Capital One credit card account, because I can't justify their yearly fee compared to the 'benefits' I get from having the card. I am also wrapping up a book I've been reading on my Kindle that's been borrowed from the Amazon Prime Lending Library, and once that book is done, I will be closing my Prime account to share Jake's Prime Student account that is $100 cheaper annually.

Have you done anything recently to shave your spending that I haven't thought of quite yet? Please let me know if you have any awesome penny-pinching ideas!

Embarking on Our Year of Less

    Every year I tend to make a short list of resolutions that sometimes I accomplish, and often times I forget about. It's hard to completely change a lifestyle in one regard or another, overnight! Habits die hard, and sometimes I've picked habits to alter or discontinue that turned out to be 'too hard' to change. 

    Last year I began finding myself attracted to the idea of minimalism. I think I've always been interested in a life that was more simple and clutter-free, but I never thought to actually pursue it. Then we abruptly changed our plans, I accepted a job in California, and we found ourself with a two bedroom apartment that needed to be boxed up and loaded into a Penske in just under 30 days. I found myself with the opportunity to really give minimalism a try. I didn't want to pack up and haul items to a new home that weren't going to be of any use to me, or that wouldn't have a place in our new, smaller apartment.

    I estimate a good 20% of our things were sold or donated before our move, and I felt awesome. So much LESS! Look! I only own three glass measuring cups now! I got rid of all the old clothes I hate wearing! All the socks with holes are gone! (threw those suckers in the trash) We arrived at our new apartment, unloaded our belongings, hung the art on the walls, and made it our home.

    And a week later, I drove to HomeGoods and bought some decor for the bare spaces around the house. And then to Target, just to browse, And the many tourist shops in the area that sell such cute beach-themed stuff. It all just accumulated and filled the gaps left by the donated items back in Utah.  Consumerism is real, friends, and I was a continual consumer. 

    So there's part one of the story, here's part two.

    I am debt-free. No car loans, no student loans, no outstanding debt. Same with my husband. He's been blessed with very generous parents who paid for his undergraduate degree, even after we married. But now we are solely responsible for his upcoming graduate program tuition, and it is not an inexpensive program at that. I, being a planner, have been considering our options for paying his tuition since the day he was accepted... two Decembers ago. Every way I looked at it, it seemed a student loan was our only way to afford his schooling. But in late November I had a thought: would the Institute allow for a payment plan?!

    Turns out, they will! 

    The Institute has divided up his semester's tuition into 4 equal payments, and each payment turns out to be roughly the same amount that I make in one paycheck. This means we have a way to stay out of debt in 2019! Of course, this does mean we've decided to dedicate HALF of our monthly income to tuition. We will also be allocating just under half of our remaining monthly income to rent... which brings us to our resolution to embark on a Year of Less in 2019. 

    So what that means for us... really what it means for me, because Jake isn't much of a shopper, is a self-imposed shopping ban! And, oddly enough, I'm really excited about it!And I hope to get back into blogging so I can stay accountable to myself, Jake, and the occasional person who may stumble past this blog. My shopping ban is hard to list out item by item, but there is a chance a more structured list may arise over the next few months. Jake and I have determined a few changes we will implement to the way we shop. 

  

    Firstly, I will be avoiding Target altogether. Yep. No Target. This also applies to HomeGoods and T.J.Maxx, my two favorite home decor stores. If I don't walk in, I can't buy anything. 

    From now on, Jake will be doing most of the Costco shopping for us, because, as he puts it, he "shops like a man" going in the the store for "only whats on the list and getting the heck outta there".  I fall prey to all the 'sweet deals' that can be found in that cavernous warehouse, like Camelbacks we don't need, or clothes that I'll buy and forget about. If Jake's doing the shopping, chances are better he will walk out of there with only the items he went in for.

    We will be meal planning every Sunday, which I hope will help us avoid eating out too regularly. I am interested in using the 'order online pick up in the parking lot' service a lot of grocery stores are using, because, similar to my Target ban, if we don't enter the store, we can't buy unplanned add-ons. We also hope to utilize the plentiful farmer's markets in the area to get produce much cheaper than we'd find in stores. 

    I have unsubscribed from most of the marketing emails I get from stores I've shopped at online. If I'm not seeing the sale ads, I'm not going to go check out their website in the first place. I hope to avoid any and all clothing purchases this year. If anything, I hope to make a few bucks from selling any clothes in my closet I no longer wear. 

     Things we can shop for include cleaning and shower products (as long as it's to replace an empty bottle), school items like textbooks and computer programs, gifts for family and friends, car maintenance, and any unexpected items that are an absolute must-buy. 

     I will not be buying any makeup or beauty products, candles and home decor, books, movies, gardening supplies, linens, craft items, and fun, random things I find online. I just don't need this stuff!

    Because we are lucky to live in such a beautiful area, we aren't limiting ourselves on what we can do around town. There are so many cool places to see and fun activities to do around Monterey. We also really enjoy going to the movies, typically on $5 Tuesday, and there's a lot of delicious restaurants around town that we will continue to eat at. We aren't going to be spending hundreds a month on movies and restaurants, but we also aren't putting a specific cap on that one category.

    We will be keeping close track of our spending week to week so we can always be evaluating how we are doing. The success of this Year of Less is so important to me, and I hope everything goes well! Dave Ramsey says "If you live like no one else now, you can live like no one else later." That will be the thing that runs through my head when I inevitably see something cute I want but don't need. 

 Here's to 2019, our Year of Less! 

    

{One Year Older}

I remember turning twenty and feeling like it was a tremendous moment. I wasn't a teen anymore. I had my entire life waiting ahead of me. My best friend and I had decided to apply for the Disney College Program later that year. Life was about to get so exciting!

Turning twenty-five was another momentous birthday. But the thrill of that 'quarter of a century' milestone quickly wore off, and I feared I would be stuck in a life I wasn't super excited about. Mostly, I was incredibly lonely and afraid for the future as I got progressively older than the available men around me. Thankfully, Jake entered my life the very next month, and, well, you know how that went!

Today's twenty-seventh birthday wasn't anything thrilling. No big milestone, no significant change in daily life. I worked most of the day, and I've got a giant volcanic zit hanging out on my forehead. Which I 100% edited out in the below photo.

But my sweet husband had a gorgeous bouquet of white ranunculus and roses delivered to the front desk of the operating room, and I walked past it as many times as possible to remind myself how dang lucky I am.

I always treat my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on the past year, and work on goals for the coming year. But as I sat in a surgical case today browsing articles on Pinterest (which is currently articles on simplicity, minimalism, and happiness, considering Pinterest mostly shows you pins similar to the ones you've been pinning lately) when I came across a woman who doesn't set goals for herself every birthday, but makes a Bucket List! I thought, what a great way to look at it. Setting goals means potential failure, but a Bucket List?! If I don't accomplish a few items, they can go on next year's list, no problem! As an additional motivator to get them done this year, I'm sharing the list with you! All two of you!

Courtney's 27th Year Bucket List

• Travel light
• Take on more responsibility at work
• Work harder on maintaining friendships
• Eat healthy
• Live more mindfully
• Forget my phone more often
• Curate a wardrobe that is more 'Me'
• Declutter at least 20% of our stuff
• Let go of FOMO
• Read 27 books
• Cut off excess spending aka make a budget
• Camp/ explore/ hike frequently

The woman who inspired me had 28 items for her 28th birthday, but I couldn't even begin to think of 27 things I could be consistently working on and improving, so this list will be just fine for me.  

How about you? Is your birthday a time to reflect, or do you just save that for New Year's Eve?

Happy Unbirthday to you!

~Courtney

{ Angel's Landing }

I crossed something big off my Bucket List last weekend.

Something people thought I couldn't accomplish.

Something I wasn't sure I could do, honestly. 

But, guess what.

I made it to the summit of Angel's Landing.

And Jake did too, of course.

Don't think I would have made it without his support. 

I'd like to put these pictures around the house,

so I can remember that I can do really hard things.

The chain part wasn't nearly as scary as I had made it up to be,

though waiting for people to pass coming the opposite direction got really tedious sometimes.

When we got to the summit, I was absolutely awed by the view.

I really could have sat there and admired it all day.

And I was just do dang proud of myself.

I didn't think I would be able to make it.

Hiking wasn't really my thing when I was younger.

But if every hike ends in this same feeling of accomplishment,

I think I'll hike much more often.

(our summit selfie)

Knarraville Falls

On our way home from Saint George, 

we stopped in Knarraville to do my favorite day hike.

It's absolutely gorgeous.

  

If you're ever in the Cedar City area,

go check this hike out. 

It's absolutely incredible.

Jake Graduates!

Jake graduated from BYU last month!

We had a wonderful weekend celebrating his accomplishment.
Jake's family came in from California,
and my family was there, too.

We wanted to celebrate with a nice dinner,
but we were afraid we wouldn't be able to make reservations,
or have to wait forever for a table.
I decided I'd just prepare dinner for everyone.
I had my very talented coworker make Jake a cake as a surprise!

I am so proud of this stud and his hard work.
Next up: Graduate School next year!

Well Hello Again!

Hi friends!
I'm back!

And hopefully for a much longer stay this time.


This blog is going to be undergoing a few changes, mainly because so much in my life has changed these past few years. The biggest most important change? This man right here:

Jacobsen Miller. My literal Prince Charming. 

Guys, we have the best story. And I'm going to tell you. Way back in September of 2015, my roommate and I wanted to host a game night to meet people in our area and scope out some guys. We had an excellent turn out, maybe even too many people came. It was likely the promise of games and brownies, but I digress. Jake walked in with a few of his roommates, and he immediately caught my eye. But not (just) because he's gorgeous, but because I felt like I knew him somehow. So during our game night, I kept my eye on him, and ran through all the possibilities of how we would have met before. 

"Did he work at Disney? No, can't be that."

"Maybe the same high school?"

"What about my hometown?"

"Or college?"

"San Diego? We left California nearly 20 years ago, can't be that either."

So I sat there ruminating on all those possibilities for nearly two hours, when another girl at the party invited everyone to her backyard for a bonfire. As we all picked up our stuff and walked across the street, I worked up the courage to approach the handsome somewhat-stranger. Our conversation was as follows:

me: "Hi! You look so familiar! Did you grow up in San Diego, or something?"

him: "No. I'm from Canada."

And that was that. 

I'd definitely never been to Canada, so there was no way I had met him in the past, and his blunt response practically screamed 'NOT INTERESTED', so I backed off.

Friends. I admired him from afar for almost an entire year.

There was likely some divine intervention in early July of 2016, because I finally caught his attention. But, of course, I was planning a move to a new area of town August 1st, and I had already begun packing up my life. But suddenly, Jake asked me out on a date! We had the most stereotypical Provo first date at the BYU Creamery, and we talked for hours.

I think I knew he was the one that day.

He proposed on December 17 at the park where we had our first kiss. It was perfect and simple, just like Jake. I couldn't have asked for a better proposal.

Excuse the crazy blurry photo, but it's a screenshot from a video of the proposal. So look past that for me.  Jake had asked jokingly if I wanted to climb the tree we were standing under, and i'm not a huge fan of tree climbing, so when he tapped me on the shoulder and i turned around to see him on one knee, I was so dang relieved to know I didn't have to climb that dang tree. And to see that he was proposing, of course, but that face is mostly relief mixed with excitement.

{Just Checking In}

A quick recap of this past year:

• I returned to Orlando, FL for my SECOND Disney College Program!
• Spent a month exploring the rivers of the world at the World Famous Jungle Cruise
• Ran back into the loving arms of Mickey Mouse and spent the rest of my program in entertainment. 
• Made countless memories with incredible people from around the world
• Met some wonderful girls that I am so grateful to call my friends
• Endured the stickiest, hottest summer of my life
• Moved back home in January
• Took the NCLEX-RN 9 months after nursing school graduation, and passed with the minimum 75 questions
• Accepted a job offer as a circulator in the Operating Room at a large hospital 30 minutes from home

So there you have it! I am enjoying my new life, but I miss the magic of Disney, too!

I'm excited to start this blog back up, and I hope to keep you entertained along the way!

~Courtney

The Beginning Of The End

During the lifetime of this blog, 

I have considered writing my last post

at least a dozen times.

But this website became my internet journal, 

and I couldn't find the desire to officially shut it down.

Now, the time has come.

I've decided that it's time to close the book on this little piece of the world wide web.

I have my reasons for this decision.

I know it's the right thing to do at this point in life.

I'm happy that so many people have visited this blog,

even though I'm just another blogger

with no claim to fame. 

I know I will come back here to reminisce on old posts,

because this blog is full of so many precious memories!

I love thinking about where I've been in life,

and it just gets me so excited for the future!

There's so much for me to go do!

There's a great big, beautiful tomorrow!

Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for loving me.

All my love,

Courtney

Mother's Day

Just became my favorite holiday!!!

Not because I'm a mom.

Or a "future mom" for that matter.

But because Mother's day is one of the TWO days we get to talk to our missionary!

(and I will be in Florida for Christmas, so I might only get this one time this year)

It was a rough go for Hermana Dana to find an internet café that had a good quality headset.

We originally planned for 2 PM, but didn't successfully talk to her until 9 PM. 

It was wonderful to see her face and hear her voice!

She spoke some Spanish to us, and we clapped like idiots afterwards. 

We are so proud of her! 

We talked about her new lifestyle,

she shared her frustrations about the language barrier,

and she told us about her tiny bunk-bed,

and the headless, featherless chickens that often occupy the dining table.

(Yuck)

She made us laugh,

and she made me cry.

I've always seen the mom as the focus when a missionary leaves. 

I never anticipated that being the sister is just as tough.

I miss her, yet I don't want to tell her that too much.

Nothing like encouraging staying on a mission by saying "I miss you!", right?

I ams so proud of the work she is doing,

though she doesn't feel like she is doing much.

She can't see the improvement she's making,

probably because there's no one around her that speaks English well enough to tell her!

Press Forward In Faith, Sister Brown!

Nursing Graduation!

I did it!

I did it, I did it, I did it!

I am a graduated nurse!

(Though don't call me a registered nurse yet, I haven't taken the NCLEX yet)

It was a wonderful and fulfilling feeling, standing on that stage in my glowing white scrubs,

Knowing that I achieved a life-long dream.

I am so grateful for the way my life has turned out. 

I am grateful for the hard work I have gone through.

I am grateful for USU- Eastern's nursing program.

I am grateful to be a nurse!

The Final One Bites The Dust

Look at all those beautiful brown X's!!

I remember being handed this schedule the same day I found my dear friend, Eric, died.

And I remember scouring this schedule a week later, when my roommate announced that she was joining the army and leaving me with 3 full months of rent unpaid.

I remember calling my parents and planning my early move home after lecture classes ended early March.

Even though some days were filled with sad and heart wrenching memories,

most days were filled with laughs, hugs, and encouragement.

I will always look back on this semester as the most fulfilling four months of my life.

I remember staring at that calendar thinking the days were moving too slowly,

yet at the same time the days were flying by!

I am here, the day before graduation, thinking

"Am I really ready to be a nurse?"

I know the answer is a yes,

because I've been waiting for this day all my life.

But I also wonder if I'll ever be completely ready to be a nurse.

Regardless of my feelings...

Ready or not...

Tomorrow is graduation day

Lip-Reading

Today was my first rotation at a big-city hospital. I was supposed to start yesterday, but I was given the day off to go to my aunt's memorial. I'm staying at my grandparent's house, so my drive to the hospital was just under 10 minutes, which is pretty stinking awesome!

I had a great day caring for patients, and the nurse I was assigned to looked just like my old roommate, Stephanie. She was so nice, and let me do a lot of stuff by myself.

Funny story:

I can't lip read. Here's a real-life example. After a few frustrating minutes of trying to talk to a patient who couldn't speak, they started to distinctively mouth each letter of the word. C.R.A.P

Me: crap?

Patient: looks a bit amused, and shakes their head

Me: crab? Do you want crab for dinner?

Patient: shakes head harder. Mouths C.R.A.P again, but this time I realize there's an E at the end

Me: oh, crepe? Do you want crepes?

Patient: starts to look really upset, and shakes their head (we've been at this for at least 5 minutes now)

Me: crapé? (Sounds a lot like frappé) 

Patient: forcefully mouths each word, with noticeable vocal sounds

Me: GRAPE! Do you want a grape popsicle?!

Patient: gives me a look that says "you are an idiot", but vigorously nods a yes

So they got a grape popsicle, and I felt like an idiot.

~Courtney

Cherish Life

I've always assumed the time period where the people I care for start passing away would be in my late thirties... but I was wrong. I feel that in my early twenties, I've lost too many loved ones already.

My aunt, Mary, suffered a cardiac arrest this morning, completely out of the blue. She wasn't sick, she wasn't having any troubles with her heart, and she was perfectly healthy when I saw her a month ago.

I am having a difficult time picturing the rest of my life without her in it.

Mary was an inspiration to me, for so many reasons.

She taught me that it is possible to overcome challenges.
Mary was paralyzed in a sledding accident when I was very little, which means I don't have any memories of her not being in a wheelchair. Even though she couldn't control her body anymore, she still found the strength to adjust to her new life, and find the positives in it. She moved into a home with an elevator, and started her own home health agency. She continued to be an involved mother, and often hosted family parties at her home. There were very few things she couldn't do.

She taught me that there is joy in the journey.
I never once heard her complain about her situation. I never once saw her mad or upset about her lot in life. I never saw her depressed or moping. In fact, I only remember her small smile and the way her eyes would sparkle when she chuckled. She found activities that she loved, she surrounded herself with people she loved, and she found true happiness in life. She showed me that regardless of my situation, it is possible to continually become happier, even in the face of hardship.

She taught me that it is okay to be yourself.
Mary isn't actually my aunt: she's my aunt's life partner. I still remember the day I figured out that my aunts Deb and Mary were different from other people's aunts. All my life, Deb and Mary had been a packaged deal; I didn't ever question that. It was completely natural for them to be together. It made perfect sense that Deb would feed Mary at meals, and steered her wheelchair so effortlessly. It made sense that they were together. In fact, it's too weird to think of my aunt dating any other women... that's just not how it works.
I believe that Mary and Deb are the biggest reason that I am such an open and nonjudgemental person, which is a unique trait among other LDS members who blatantly oppose homosexuality. Why does my opinion have any sway against two wonderful people sharing their lives together? Why don't they deserve to be civilly married? What does their marriage do to affect me? I'll answer that one... it does nothing. My life is not changed in any way with the marriage of two women, or two men.
So yeah, I'm a Mormon, and I'm a Democrat. My views don't completely align with those of my LDS counterparts, and for that, I am grateful. I believe knowing Mary has helped me shape my personal views, and I am so happy that I was able to know her.

Death weighs heavy on the heart.

This was just so unexpected.

Cherish every single day, my friends.
~Courtney

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Sorry about that depressing last post.

I go back and forth about my feelings on this program.

I am excited, I really am.

I realize that thousands of people apply, and few are accepted.

I know that painfully well, 

That fact is what made accepting my offer so difficult.

But I've accepted,

and I'm starting to get my stuff in order to make the move.

I'm adjusting to the fact that I'm not Mickey Mouse anymore.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with the roommate situation.

Last program,

I had banked on living with my best friend,

but due to different universities,

I ended up living with 7 complete strangers.

I now count those strangers as dear friends.

So do I go alone again,

and hope for a great bunch of roommates?

That seems to be the million dollar question here.

~Courtney

Disney

I know it's been a while since I last talked about the College Program.
It's been a rough go, guys.

The first time I applied, it was full of smiles, laughter and luck.
My character audition was awesome,
I landed a dream role,
I went with my best friend,
and it was the easiest decision I had ever made.

I've been accepted to the Fall Advantage 2014 program,
But it has not been an easy decision whatsoever.

So far, this experience has been 100% opposite from last time.
My audition was crap,
My role is attractions,
My best friend is not going,
And I don't know what to do about housing.

If you ask me how I feel about this in a few days, heck, even a few hours, I'll tell you I'm excited.

But right here, right now?
I'm more worried than excited.

~Courtney

New Address

When change comes in my life, it comes fast.
No news on the College Program yet, so don't go getting excited.

Dana left for Peru on Wednesday
And I moved out of my apartment today.

Even though I have a very nice home to stay in for the next week,
I still feel homeless.

Feeling homeless is a really terrible feeling.

My family drove down this afternoon with a Uhaul to clear out my house,
and then I spent the rest of the day cleaning.
Locking the door behind me was so sad!
I didn't know what to do with myself for a few minutes.
I just sort of… stood outside my door feeling very upset.

I love adventure.
I dislike change.

There's a part of me that's hoping my apartment is still full of my furniture and I can go back to my desk and do some homework.
But the reality is, I'm sitting at the institute (alone, may I add) and I'm eating McDonalds because I don't have any pots or pans to cook with anymore.

Pity me.
~Courtney